5 Things We Wish We Could Tell the Girls on The Bachelor
For years, our friends have dedicated every Monday night to watching what we consider to be the silliest show on television: The Bachelor. As sisters, we pretty much like and dislike the same TV shows. We would occasionally tune into the final episode of the season and laugh at our friends serious involvement into it and the show itself. However, it is now the 20th season of the franchise, and we have found ourselves completely submerged in it. We started watching because Ben Higgins happens to be a friend of a friend, (I know, such a good reason to watch). The Bachelor has quickly become our guilty pleasure, and Monday night is now officially the most anticipated night of the week. What has happened to us?
The whole concept of the show is mind boggling in and of itself; 28 girls are competing for 1 bachelor. It is completely insane, yet it is entertaining and addicting. We really hate to admit it, but it is oh, so addicting. As first time Bachelor watchers, something really took us both by surprise early on in the show. As episode one concluded and the girls left in tears, we were shocked. So shocked that we may have been yelling at the girls through our TV screens: “What! Why are you crying?! You don’t even know the guy!”. As quickly as those words spewed out of our mouths, a gentle thought came to mind. The heart of a woman. She longs to feel beautiful, secure, and desired. As these women leave without a rose, they feel far from all of these qualities. After that realization when we watched the first episode, our eyes have been opened, and our hearts have been softened. As fun as this show is to watch, it is equally heart breaking. It saddens us to listen to how these girls talk about themselves. They are putting all their hopes, dreams, and futures into one man. With that being said, here are the 5 things we wish we could say to the girls on The Bachelor and to the girls reading this who may have been rejected.
1. You are beautiful and unique in every way. Don’t you know how special and precious you are? Your personal story and background make you who you are. You are a perfectly, uniquely crafted creation; no two fingerprints are the same. You don’t have to be anybody but yourself.
2. Comparison is the thief of joy. Try not to compare yourself to the other girls in the house. If Ben doesn’t like you how you are, then you are not right for each other. It is easy to look at your every imperfection when you are surrounded by a bunch of beautiful girls. Don’t focus on that; instead work on your inner beauty and that makes your outer beauty even that much more beautiful. Let’s not be like the Evil Queen in Snow White who can’t handle the beauty of others. Instead of staring into the mirror of comparisons, take joy in what you can personally bring to the world.
3. Being a virgin should not make you the black sheep of the house. Becca is known as the virgin on the show, and good for her! Go Becca! Our culture often considers virgin as a bad word as if something is wrong, dirty, or even unhealthy about you if you haven’t had sex yet. Waiting is beautiful, and it is something you should be proud of. As someone (Alyssa) who was a virgin on my wedding night, I am sitting here 10 years later and am still so thankful that I saved myself for my husband. At the same time, being a virgin should not be the only thing that defines who you are as a person. So much is said on social media and on the show about how Becca is the virgin of the house, but there is so much more to Becca than that!
4. Your past does not define you. So many of these girls have been cheated on and hurt in more ways than we could know. When I (Samantha) met my now fiance, I was so afraid to share with him the secrets of my past. I was afraid of being vulnerable and exposed and even more scared of the rejection that could have followed. At the end of the conversation, he just sat there and looked at me with love in his eyes. In that moment, I knew he would have forgiven me and loved me through anything I could have done short of a felony because I am not my mistakes, my pains, and my past. What matters is how you move on and allow these things to shape you into a better person.
5. You are lovable. Rejection is simply redirection. Just because Ben rejected you, it does not mean you will never find a good guy. He just isn’t the guy for you, and that’s okay. Actually, that is better than okay! He is dating a dozen women at once, so be thankful that you don’t have to be in the emotional game anymore. You deserve better! You will find a man who will love you! You don’t want to be second place in any man’s eyes. It is the most amazing feeling to me (Alyssa) that my husband has eyes only for me.
Nothing is more heartbreaking than hearing these beautiful women say phrases such as, “I am the most unlovable girl,” and “If Ben doesn’t love me than what good man ever would?” Dust off your shoulders, lift up your head, and walk in the confidence of who you are! Love will find you, and it will probably happen when you are least expecting it. Ben may have rejected you, but don’t go and reject yourself too!
If I had a crisp new 100 dollar bill and offered it to you, would you take it? Would you still take it if I crushed it, stomped on it, spit on it, wiped my sweat on it, and offered it back to you in a scrunched up ball? The answer you are probably thinking is, YES! Why? Because the value never changed even though it experienced some damage. You are that $100 bill to God. Even though you’ve been through rejection, things may have been done to you, or you’ve made some poor choices that have left you feeling dirty, your value hasn’t changed. Your value is set by God, not by what you have done or what has been done to you. You are fully lovable by your Creator and by the right person for you!
“Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn’t love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that.” Ephesians 5:2 (MSG)
Alyssa Shull & Samantha Saputo
Alyssa Shull is the founder of The Pink Lid, a conference for teen girls about self-worth, identity, value, and purity. She graduated in 2008 from Oral Roberts University with a degree in multimedia productions. Alyssa, alongside her husband, Matt, have been in full-time ministry for over 10 years. She recently released her first book Purely Beautiful. Alyssa and Matt have one daughter, and they live in Miami, Florida.
Samantha Saputo is on staff as art director at a church in Michigan. She graduated in 2013 from Oral Roberts University with a degree in graphic design. Samantha recently got engaged to the man of her dreams and is planning her wedding!