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What age should I start dating?

What age should I start dating? Let me plant something in your heart as you read this. I call this purity of heart. Because your heart is very involved in a dating relationship.

Like I said in the Purity of Mind blog posts, purity is more than just abstaining from sex. I like to break purity into 3 parts, purity of mind, purity of heart, and purity of body.  The second part of purity, purity of heart, is very important because it is essential to keep your heart pure.

The Bible says in Proverbs 4:23 “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”

The reason it says this is because we need to be careful with who we get involved with. We must protect our heart.

You may have heard the phrase ‘Guard Your Heart’ before and wonder what does that truly mean. I like to imagine taking a steel bullet proof box and placing your heart in it. The only person who has the key to unlock that box is your future husband.

Girls are very emotional, if you haven’t figured that out yet.  Someone dumps you, you are hurt. Someone kisses you and doesn’t give you the time of day ever again, you are hurt.  We are moved by our emotions and how we feel. Many girls have multiple boyfriends and get hurt over and over again.

God created us to not have to go through these things, he created us to be loved completely, to have one partner for life on earth and be faithful to each other.  We are not meant to go through heartbreak after heartbreak.

So are you ready for my view on dating?  Do not date until you are ready to get married.

‘Did she really just say that?’ Yes I did. 🙂 Let me explain…

The purpose of dating in the world is for self-fulfillment. When one or both partners stop being fulfilled in the relationship, it ends. The relationship is SELF focused.

The purpose for dating for a Christian is to develop a Godly relationship that leads to marriage. It is SELFLESS.

So the purpose of dating for a Christian is to find a spouse. The chance of finding your husband in high school is very slim. I have heard that only 1% of high school relationships end up together. So the chances of you actually marrying your high school boyfriend is slim to none.

Why waste your time on a guy who is someone else’s spouse?

In our culture today what happens from the time you are 12-13 on is date, break-up, date, break-up, date, break-up, all into your twenties. Then when you are in your twenties you want to get married. So you get married and when a problem arises all you know how to do it is break-up. So it creates a cycle in your life. I think there is great wisdom in letting God bring your spouse into your life at the right time.

If you are in middle school and high school you are trying to figure out who you are and what you want to do with your life. You are growing in your relationship with God and making God first and foremost. You may think that the guy is perfect for you, but you need to develop yourself first and if he is the one for you then he will still be there in a couple years. If the person you like or are going out with is really supposed to be your husband, then if you take a step back in the relationship he should be willing to wait for you.

Don’t settle for anything but the ‘BEST’ that God has for you!

There is no rush, you will be married for the rest of your life. Why rush into a serious relationship? Have fun being young and single. This is the only time in your life where you are single, so enjoy it!

Singleness isn’t bad.  It isn’t some disease that you need to rid yourself of. Just because everyone else has a boyfriend, doesn’t mean you have to.

I remember in high school seeing girls get into a relationships and then the next month be in the bathroom sobbing over the breakup. I decided I did not want to go through that pain, so I decided not to date.

My senior year when girls found out that I had never kissed or done anything with a guy, they said that they were jealous of me and wished they hadn’t ever done anything. And these were not Christian girls at all.  They had been through the pain and they hated it.

You see, when you get into a relationship it naturally wants to escalate physically. But as a believer we need to abstain from sexual relations because it is sin. So have fun just being friends with guys and nothing more. Enjoy hanging out in groups without the complexity of being romantically involved.

I’m not saying to not be friends with boys or avoid them like the plague. I am just saying there is no rush into getting into a serious relationship.

The Bible says in Song of Solomon 8:4 “Young women of Jerusalem, swear to me that you will not awaken love or arouse love before its proper time!”

Honestly, you are not ready yet.  Let God prepare you, let God form you into the woman of God He wants you to be. When the right guy comes for you, you will know. God wrote my love story. Let him write yours too!

There is no rush when its forever!

I love you ladies and I am believing for a generation to rise up and stand for purity!

Love,

~Alyssa

There are 3 comments. Add Yours.

Lee-Ann —

Oh how I wish I was taught this when I was a young teenager. I lost my virginity way too young and unfortunately was pregnant at 14 and had an abortion. God is good and has used my experience to speak to other young girls about the importance of abstinence and respecting themselves. Your words have made it so much easier to explain to my 9 year old about modesty and dressing appropriately. Thank you for your candidness. God bless.

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Precious —

I am 17 years old. I have never had a boyfriend or kissed. At times i feel blessed but most of the times i feel like i am being left behind. To tell the truth i wish i had a boyfriend to experience being inlove . I get your advice but i am growing and i don’t want to get my first love in my 20’s. I really thank you. Maybe i will think differently.

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