Long Distance Relationships… Do they work?
(readers note) If you know me you will know that I don’t think anyone should be in a relationship until they are ready to get married. Have fun being young and don’t be in a rush to match up. When you are a teenager you are discovering who you are and what God has called you to do. I know everyone in your school is dating, but why do you have to? Hormones are raging and honestly you are putting yourself in a situation where it is hard to say no. Girls give sex to get love and guys give love to get sex. That momentary love you think he is showing you is not worth your sexual purity. Wait until you are out of high school to get into a relationship, it is so worth the wait. I waited and in this blog you will hear some of my story.
I didn’t date throughout high school. Sure I was tempted sometimes by the innate desire to be in a relationship with a guy and have that connection. But my want for the right person and the statistics of actually finding my husband in high school (there is a 98 percent chance you will never marry the person you date in high school) far outweighed my want to have a boyfriend. So I stayed focused, prayed for my husband and waited.
I graduated from high school in 2004 and got on a plane from Michigan, the day before my 18th birthday, to fly to Oklahoma and attend Oral Roberts University. That October for fall break I flew back home to Michigan to visit my family. At the end of the week there was a special speaker at my church. It was October 15th and I will never ever forget that day. I went to church with my friends and as I was waiting for church to start, this guy walks up the side aisle and he was the ‘HOTTEST’ guy I had ever seen! I leaned over to my friends and whispered “who is that guy, and where did he come from?”
I kept looking at him throughout service (carnal, I know but I was so attracted to him). He was helping the guest minister on stage and I looked at him and said to God ‘that is exactly the kind of man I want to marry.’ It was like my spirit was leaping in me.
When service was over my friends and I introduced ourselves to him and his friends to make them feel welcome at our church. We found out they had drove 4 hours from Indiana to be at the service. Then one of my guy friends invited all of them to come to eat with us. At dinner we sat caddy-corner to each other and we kept making eye contact. I kept thinking this guy is dreamy and so in love with Jesus! His friend asked me to go to the mall with them the next day since they were visiting from out of town. So the next day my friend and I went to the mall. (side note: I brought my girlfriend with me, always go in groups, there is power in numbers.)
All that day we talked and talked and talked. It was like meeting my best friend that I never knew. We had all the same interests. We mostly talked about God and evangelism. That night as he drove back to Indiana we talked on the phone for 4 hours straight. The next day I went back to Oklahoma and that night we talked for 5 hours on the phone. I asked him what he wanted to do with his life (I cut right to the chase). As he began to tell me, my jaw dropped because it was exactly what God had told me to do with my life. It was absolutely unreal. The next morning I woke up and I knew in my spirit that I was going to marry him. He woke up that morning and knew I was going to be his wife.
We fell in love over the phone and knew that we knew that we knew that we knew that we were made for each other. God had orchestrated our paths crossing that weekend in October. There is so much more to our story and the amazing things God did to confirm that we were for each other, it could be a novel 🙂
We were long distance until we were married. How did it work? Because God had put us together. Looking back it was difficult not seeing each other, but we built such a strong relationship on communication. All we could do was talk on the phone. There were only a few dates because from the time we meet until we were married, we only saw each other for 7 weeks total. So we talked out everything. Today, 8 years later our relationship is so strong because of the great communication we have.
So if you are wondering if you should get into a long distance relationship, my question for you is, did GOD put you together or did YOU put you together? If it is the person God has for you, then it will work out and you will grow stronger as a couple because of it. God will give you grace to deal with the distance. If you put this relationship together and you want it to work, it will be difficult. This is because it takes a lot of trust, openness, grace, strength, and much more to go through it. There will be a struggle when it isn’t God ordained.
We met, engaged, and married in less than 10 months. A lot of people said to us, you haven’t spent any time together, so how do you even know each other? Our response was, what do you consider 8 hours on the phone everyday? We had better communication then couples who had been together for multiple years. I dont say this pridefully, but it is the truth because we built such a strong relationship through communication. To this day I believe those 10 months of long distance set us on a great path for a successful relationship.
So should you date someone long distance? Only if it is your future spouse. Otherwise it is not worth your time or heartache. Hold out, wait for the person God has for you, and don’t settle for anything less. You are worth the wait!
If you have a specific question concerning a relationship you are contemplating or in and need specific advice, please email me!